UPDATE

Hey. 

Are you okay?

How you been holding up? 

Me? I’m okay. 

I guess. 

Okay. To be totally honest with you. I’m not okay. In more ways than one and I don’t know if I’ll ever be. I’ve been making some bad choices, neglecting myself and others around me, potentially ruined something I had with some of the closest people I know. To top things off, I’ve been having a major relapse moments with some old demons. Been dancing with the devil an empty ballroom that was supposed to be my heart. What was once a place filled with joy and zeal and life, is now becoming more and more empty the less time I’ve spent time with God. I admit it. I’ve neglected my relationship. Yet, He’s shown me He still loves me regardless of my ignorance; He just wants me back. The biggest takeaway from this whole pandemic is the fact that God’s been screaming to get my attention, but I’ve failed on multiple occasions to give Him what He sought from me. Me. I’ve been so stupid lately. Lost myself, my identity, jeopardizing relationships, taking the most unnecessary risks possible, doing things my way, all in name of my vain ignorance. What has it wrought? Pain. Heartache. Shame. But God....amirite? His Love never ceases to amaze me. Especially with the undeniable fact that I’m even writing this. I may be broken, messed up, depressed, sad, putting on a fake smile just to get through the day sometimes. BUT GOD...

I don’t speak these words for you to feel sorry for me. I’m just answering your question, satiating your hungering curiosity.

Long story short...

I’m not okay.

And that’s okay.