Being a Christian.

It’s funny because you’d think at some point, I’d know this, right? Quite the contrary. Even into my adult years, I was wrestling with why. Did I just grew up like this? My household foundation was Christian and therefore I am too? If only it were that simple. Rather, being placed in a position where my two Christian parents were qualified to raise me up into a belief system that I would eventually call my own.

Why am I a Christian, though? Was it pre-programmed into me? It could have been from a preconceived notion. One that painted a bleak picture of that of a deity, Who sits on high, seemingly a judge, jury and executioner who, AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT, could take my life away as quickly as it was given to me. Or it might’ve been out of following the crowd. Attempts to pleasing the people for pats on the back and congratulatory praise that I serve such a righteous cause in order to gain favor. As if human recognition could ever compare to His. You might even make the assumption that it was just out fear of going to Hell that drove me to know someone Whom I would never really know but had only heard of due to the rumors of His harsh but righteous acts. Maybe. Or maybe that was just my excuse.

For a long time, I’ve wondered if I really had a relationship with Him. If He actually knew my name, of all people. Being a Christian was easy enough. Having good morals, going to church, singing the songs, reading the Bible, and not being bad. Yet, I’d spend nights after sleepless nights questioning His existence and why I’m even here having felt it all futile in the long run. Wondering if He even hears me, pondering on if He knows me at all. Then, WITHOUT FAIL, He’d show me that His existence, much like my own, is VERY real and QUITE purposeful. Not only that, but the indisputable reality of my life, serves to remind me of His power and gives Him glory as He takes me from glory to glory. My testimony. My steps. My life, breath and being. All of it for Him at the end. So, I guess He does know me. So why am I a Christian? I grew up like this, I surmise. My parents were and are, so therefore I was and am. Right? Yeah, I didn’t think so. 

Ultimately, going to church proved nothing but to display the common fact that I did what ANY OTHER HUMAN BEING COULD DO: go to church. I had no idea what prayer was until my father taught and talked me through my first one well before I was 10 years of age; serving to ignite the flame in me to talk to my Heavenly Father in times of need and trouble or for just have conversation. My fear of God wasn’t and isn’t like the fear that have for Him now. Back then, it was more fear of going to Hell and suffering for all time than it is of Reverence and Honor to my Creator at this present stage. My knowledge of Christ came through my parents taking up responsibility in their roles in my life, my first influence into the faith, but not my salvation. Don’t get the wrong idea, I am grateful that my folks had done their due diligence to provide a solid foundation for their family to live on. Praying for me and teaching me and what have you, however, my salvation was, is and always will be of my own experience. Coming to know Christ as MY Lord PERSONAL Savior will be of my own success. My RELATIONSHIP with Him is of my own walk. I’m just glad I had and have the right people to help steer me in the right direction. 

I never again want to battle with who He is, who He says I am and who I should already know I am. For He is the Great “I Am” and if I, His Creation, be a mirror image of Him on earth, then how I view myself is a direct reflection of who He is. If my identity can be founded in a God that loves and wants nothing but the ABSOLUTE BEST for His own, then I am because I Am says I am. Not because of anything I’ll ever do, but because of what He’s already done. I am a Christian, a follower of Christ Jesus because of who He was and is to me; a Savior and a friend that stuck closest to me than any brother ever has. Not to mention, He DIED for me. A death that should’ve been mine; a penance due to my sinful nature and reckless behavior, but God. 

That is why I am a Christian. 

I am His and He is mine. I am a child of God.

#wordsbyjoshy